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The followers have simply heard this order - from colleagues, friends, mothers, aunts - so many times that they assume it’s ubiquitous.They don't know about Americanos, they think skinny latte is the norm.You’re also a fan of Post-It notes, colour-co-ordination and telling other people how to live their lives. Flat white Just keep on following the herd and pray you’re never given a taste test between a flat white and a latte.

Too many times you’ve ordered a restaurant Americano only to be given filter coffee, instant coffee, too weak or too strong.

Your fussy order may look ridiculous - but at least there will be no surprises.

Caramel frappuccino with whipped cream Today can't get any worse, you told yourself this morning. Forget the caffeine, you need a massive sugar hit and your entire daily calorie allowance in one cup is the perfect antidote.

Hand ground, craft-roasted coffee beans, made with an aeropress You wouldn’t be seen dead with last generation’s i Phone, you write a blog about whiskey and you can name the designer of a suit without looking at the label.

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We shoot the pictures and video ourselves which means it's unique.Soy has some frankly dangerous chemicals and worrying environmental effects, so almond milk it is. As you say the words, “white Americano”, you can’t help but think “white coffee”. If you’re asked what type of coffee, you’ll repeat “just coffee, thanks” with rising blood pressure and firmly gritted teeth.If they don’t understand what “just coffee” is then you’re done. You’re moving to France or Australia – anywhere that’s halfway normal, for chrissakes.Double espresso You’re on the run, a folder of papers under one arm and no time to put them into your bag, let alone wade through the water, milk and cream that clog up other beverages.One a day is habit, two is a manageable addiction and three cups means the double espresso has become a full-blown enabler.You’re emotionally fragile after too long telling yourself you don’t need sleep and while the double espresso will get you through the day, the week will end in a frenzy of shaking paranoia.

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